he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
