We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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