Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
