He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
