how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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