I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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