He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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