Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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