Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
