I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
