So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
