nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
