I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
