She is in my trunk
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
