My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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