guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
