Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
