best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
