I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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