laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
