Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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