Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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