PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
