Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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