Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this hospital has no fireball
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
