This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
