Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
