How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
