i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
