Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
