Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
