i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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