ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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