okay pat passed out under dana's car
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
