if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
