I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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