Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
