HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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