Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
