belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
