Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
