I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Will exercising make me less horny?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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