Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
