i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
