Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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