Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
