i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ok first of all what the fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
