When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
