there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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