What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
