On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
