So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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