I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
