I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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